I believe there are seven key ingredients to enjoying a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship both with yourself and with a lover: pleasure, acceptance, safety, self-respect, individuality, ownership and nakedness. Simplified, you can remember them easily by the acronym: PASSION. I call this The PASSION Model: To Ensuring Healthy and Satisfying Sex & Relationships. The PASSION model (2015)is a framework to ensure optimum sexual satisfaction and healthy and safe relationships.
Pleasure-Allow yourself to experience sexual satisfaction and give yourself permission to delight in the experiences that are uniquely erotic and pleasurable for you. This is about experiencing pleasure, giving pleasure, receiving pleasure, seeking pleasure and embracing pleasure.
Acceptance-Wholeheartedly accept yourself and your sexual partner without judgement. This means being accepting of both you and your lover’s sexual needs and wants, your sexual desires, thoughts and feelings, including sexual preference and identity.
Safety-Protect your health and wellbeing by practising safe sex and safeguard yourself from harmful situations of a physical or emotional nature. It’s about not putting yourself at risk, preventing danger and maximising pleasurable experiences by feeling safe.
Self-Respect-Respect yourself by asserting your needs and expressing your feelings. Create healthy boundaries, ask for the things you want and say no to the things you don’t: have a sexual voice. Make choices that are in your best interest and gracefully remove yourself from situations which do not serve you.
Individuality-Be an individual with your own unique sexual opinions and identity. Be different, inimitable and completely you, without the need to conform to anything or anyone. Be unashamedly ‘you’ and answer to no one but yourself, while respecting others in the process.
Ownership-Take ownership of your sexual happiness and sexual fulfilment by being responsible for your own sexual pleasure and for the experiences you have and engage in. This is about owning your thoughts and feelings, your sexuality and your body.
Nakedness-This is psychologically disrobing in order to expose yourself (both figuratively and literally) to you, and a trustworthy and respectful partner by revealing your sexual core without concealment or masks. This is about being open, bare and without pretence during sexual communication and engagement.
Write the following down in your journal, and email or text a copy to yourself also, so you have it on your phone too. Then read each line aloud to yourself afterwards.
“I give myself permission to give and receive pleasure, seek pleasurable sexual experiences and prioritise my sexual needs and wants.”
“I make a promise to myself today to completely accept who I am as a sexual being without judging my sexual desires, actions and identity.”
“I grant myself the freedom and respect to have a sexual voice to openly express what I think and feel, and assertively ask for what I need, saying yes to what I want and hell no to what I don’t.”
“I make a commitment to myself today that I will always act in my own best interest to make sure I am both physically and emotionally safe at any given moment through responsible decision making and protective behaviours.”
“I make a pact with myself that from this day forward I will respect myself and my body by deciding upon the standards of what I will or will not accept in my life, including how I am willing to be treated by others and what experiences I will allow.”
“I vow that from now on I will fully embrace my unique sexual individuality, delighting in my sexual essence and relinquishing all need to conform to the sexual standards of others.”
“I hereby accept reign of my sexual destiny, taking responsibility for securing my own sexual pleasure and fulfilment by having complete sovereignty over my sexual thoughts, feelings, body and identity.”
“I pledge to myself today that I will get emotionally naked with myself and a deserving and trusted partner, by removing the layers of psychological armour in order to bare my sexual soul and maximise my sexual experiences.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Miya Yamanouchi is an empowerment counsellor with specialist sexual health training who has extensive experience assisting men and women across Australia to discover and embrace their authentic selves. Miya has practiced in a variety of specialist counselling roles both while undertaking her clinical training and honing her skills as a health professional, including Drug & Alcohol Counsellor(DrugArm Australasia), International Student Counsellor(The Australian Institute of Professional Education), Sexual Health Counsellor(Impotence Australia) and Sex & Relationships Counsellor (The Australasian Institute of Sexual Health Medicine). In addition to her role as a counsellor, Miya is also a Reference Group member for The Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, a Network Coordinator for The Mental Health Professionals Network, a Blogger for The Kinsey Institute, a YourTango Expert for New-York based international sex and relationships online magazine YourTango, and Social Media Content Creator (Instagram) for The Sydney Feminists. Miya is a published author with Penguin Group, and has also had her online articles published across the globe including The Americas, Europe, Asia, and all the way to West Africa.