How To Deal With Your Partner’s Fetish (Cross Dressing)

Are you or someone you know having trouble dealing with a partner’s fetish? Cross dressing among straight males is a surprisingly common fetish that is rarely talked about, despite its secret prevalence in our society. Yet due to its invisibility in the media and society at large, when we find ourselves faced with the issue in intimate relationships, we feel shocked and often sickened by the revelation. This article provides five ways to help you deal with your partner’s fetish.
It can be hard to know how to deal with a partner’s sexual fetish. It’s not like we are ever taught how to handle this sort of thing, regardless of how surprisingly common an issue it may be. And yes, if, hypothetically we had studied Intimate Relationship Skills 101: How to Deal With Your Partner’s Sexual Fetish back in high school, maybe we’d be better equipped. But we all know this didn’t happen and sadly, isn’t ever likely to….So whether his idea of a turn on involves him wearing women’s underwear (cross dressing), or whipping you with a leather riding crop for being a naughty school girl (BDSM & role play), watching you cry (dacryphilia) or pee (urophilia) , or having you laugh at his manhood and tell him that he’s got a micropenis (humilitation), here are five ways to deal with your partner’s seemingly insane fetish.

Society teaches us through media messages about what is “normal” and “acceptable” sexual behaviour.

1. Know that there is no such thing as normal sexuality. Non-normative sexuality is the norm!!! Everyone is different and unique  in what they find attractive and sexually arousing. Don’t buy into the fact that society and the media presents one form of sexuality  and influences the masses to conform to it. If you grew up in a world seeing men dressed in lingerie everywhere you would think that was normal and sexy, because it would be a learned thing. (Wanna know how common cross dressing is in Australia among straight men? Check out the global Aussie men’s lingerie company in high demand among heterosexual males!)

2. Examine the roots of your repulsion to his fetish. What exactly is it about his fetish that makes you so uncomfortable? Let’s say your man is a cross dresser and you feel sickened by the whole concept because it’s the opposite of what you consider to be “manly” and sexy.  Ask yourself this: if society deemed men cross dressing as the epitome of masculinity and male sexual prowess and you grew up seeing billboards, advertisements and magazine covers with men in women’s lingerie, do you think you would still find it so repulsive? We are bombarded with sexual imagery from a young age through the media teaching us what is “hot or not”, and hence we learn quickly without even realizing that we are being indoctrinated this way, what we are to see as sexy. Sex appeal is a social construct that we learn through absorbing society’s messages about what is acceptable sexuality.
3. Start actually sexualising his fetish in order to enjoy it with him. If he’s a cross dresser and you find the mere thought of him adorning a pair of black lacey stay-ups and pink frilly knickers to be utterly cringe-worthy, you will need to start fantasising about him wearing women’s clothes in order to change your way  of thinking from seeing it as “disgusting” to seeing it as masculine and sexy. Trick your mind into finding his fetish a turn-on.

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4.  Find common sexual ground.
If it’s a fetish you are completely against and that totally conflicts with your core value system, then discuss with your partner ways that you can find common sexual ground in other sexual acts and sexual play. Openly discuss with your lover what you both like sexually so you can seek out alternative ways to enjoy sex together that mutually appeals to you.
5. Acceptance. Accept yourself accept your partner. Appreciate them for having the courage to share their fetish with you. Can you imagine how daunting it must have been for them to disclose such an intimate thing to you? (And no doubt they have been rejected before if a partner has ever found out in the past). Don’t try and block his fetish out to him or yourself, because the more it is normalised between the two of you, and talked about comfortably and freely, the less emotional charge you will feel regarding the topic that probably initially (if not maybe still) leaves you feeling rather unsettled.

….Need more help coming to terms with your partner’s turn-ons? Contact us on (02) 8005-6011 or email us at



Miya Yamanouchi is an empowerment counsellor with specialist sexual health training who has extensive experience assisting men and women across Australia to discover and embrace their authentic selves. Miya has practiced in a variety of specialist counselling roles both while undertaking her clinical training and honing her skills as a health professional, including Drug & Alcohol Counsellor(DrugArm Australasia), International Student Counsellor(The Australian Institute of Professional Education), Sexual Health Counsellor(Impotence Australia) and Sex & Relationships Counsellor (The Australasian Institute of Sexual Health Medicine). In addition to her role as a counsellor, Miya is also a Reference Group member for The Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, a Network Coordinator for The Mental Health Professionals Network, a Blogger for The Kinsey Institute,  a YourTango Expert for New-York based international sex and relationships online magazine YourTango, and Social Media Content Creator (Instagram) for The Sydney Feminists. Miya is a published author with Penguin Group, and has also had her online articles published across the globe including The Americas, Europe, Asia, and all the way to West Africa.

This article was originally published at Republished with permission from the author.

 *This article was originally published at and reposted with permission from author.