Sexual Roleplay to Embrace Your Shadow Self

So many articles online relating to sexual role play completely overlook the psycho-spiritual aspect of this form of sexual expression. It’s not merely an issue of throwing on some outfit suitable for a costume party and then just having fun. As much as dressing up can certainty heighten the theatrical aspect of sexual role playing, I believe the psychological element permeates much deeper, having little to do with adorning a novelty outfit, and everything to do with nurturing the soul.

My interpretation of sexual role play is that it actually provides a creative platform for us to safely express certain aspects of our shadow self. It is a pleasurable and erotic means of validating parts of ourselves which we may have previously dismissed, ignored, split off from, or even shunned. It is an opportunity to reconnect with facets of our unique personality which we may have disconnected from for a multitude of reasons such as social conditioning-eg. The notion that men have to be respectful of women and cannot dominate or be aggressive; or the condemnation of men expressing feminine qualities. Everyday life responsibilities or demands can also further inhibit your shadow self, such as being in an executive position at work which requires an authoritarian approach, or being the primary care-giver of young children.

Sexual role-play is the enactment of a highly imaginative and erotic psychodrama where the individual is given creative license to express the polar opposite qualities of their multifaceted personality; bringing a profound sense of psychological release and rejuvenation to those involved. Playing erotically with roles enhances sexual arousal and maximises pleasure by our acting out a specific scenario in a character separate from our normal or everyday ‘self’. It is a powerful sexual outlet which can orgasmically release us from the shackles of convention and normality to express a side of ourselves we otherwise would not have opportunity to convey. Sexual role playing is both liberating and gratifying as it provides a person with a safe space to activate their hidden sexual self.

Erotic role play gives permission to an ordinarily powerful, self-controlled, and self-serving authoritarian the freedom to embrace their shadow side to transform into a surrendered and submissive slave. Role play sex grants a typically passive and servile ‘people-pleaser’ by day, the sexual authorisation to metamorphose into a dominant and tyrannical mysogynist in bed. (Learn more about BDSM here).

The sexual stage invites lovers to become whoever they want, enticed with endless possibilities of characters, roles, situations and scenarios to play-act. It is a chance for us to exchange our self-imposed labels, and trade our usual identity in for something a little more adventurous. -Introverted, conservative and ‘moralistic’ types can instantly become deviant sexual aggressors; ‘nice girls’ can become trashy porn stars; self-sacrificing mothers can become bratty and mischievous schoolgirls ( see Schoolgirl fetish), husbands can become lingeried-up sissies (see Sissy fetish); overworked housewives can become demanding dominatrices (see Dominatrix fetish); and sensible and responsible fathers can become helpless nappy-wearing infants (see Adult Diaper fetish).

…..Obviously, if you’re a professional cleaner, you wouldn’t want to be playing French maid and scrubbing the floor during a sexual role play. – You’d probably want to play a role close to the opposite of your daily character-maybe a sex goddess to be worshiped and sexually serviced by your lover for hours on end.

Each and everyone of us has numerous elements of our innate personality that we rarely, if ever allow to see the light of day.Think about what parts of your unique character you are stifling or repressing…… What do you wish you could have more of? ……..Control? Loss of control? Power? Vulnerability? Authority? Humiliation? Validation? Discipline? Service? Influence? Worship? Violation?

If you constantly feel unappreciated, overworked and invisible in your everyday life, maybe you have a powerful longing to be glorified, adored and served by a lover?

….If you are always in control, required to make decisions and well-respected in your work and social sphere, you probably will crave being dominated, forced and perhaps humiliated by your sexual partner.

So here, I implore you to envisage yourself metaphorically clocking off as the ‘normal everyday you’, and give your shadow self a little time to shine!

To relinquish your typical everyday character for a brief while in pursuit of uninhibited sexual pleasure can be an incredibly cathartic experience. -Why not try it sometime?



Miya Yamanouchi is an empowerment counsellor with specialist sexual health training who has extensive experience assisting men and women across Australia to discover and embrace their authentic selves. Miya has practiced in a variety of specialist counselling roles both while undertaking her clinical training and honing her skills as a health professional, including Drug & Alcohol Counsellor(DrugArm Australasia), International Student Counsellor(The Australian Institute of Professional Education), Sexual Health Counsellor(Impotence Australia) and Sex & Relationships Counsellor (The Australasian Institute of Sexual Health Medicine). In addition to her role as a counsellor, Miya is also aReference Group memberfor The Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, a Network Coordinator for The Mental Health Professionals Network, a Blogger for The Kinsey Institute,  a YourTango Expert for New-York based international sex and relationships online magazine YourTango, and Social Media Content Creator (Instagram) for The Sydney Feminists. Miya is a published author with Penguin Group, and has also had her online articles published across the globe including The Americas, Europe, Asia, and all the way to West Africa.