Men know exactly what they want, and now they’re telling YOU how to turn them on!
At the beginning of the year I picked the brains of 42 men aged between 29 and 65 years old of 18 different ethnic backgrounds, in order to find out what romantic and passionate gestures a long-term female lover could do to best get them in the mood for sex.
During a counselling session, one of my female clients expressed a desire to learn new ideas for romancing her husband into bed. -After searching online for resources to assist her and ending up thoroughly disappointed with the articles I found (all of which were clearly written by women—”leave a note in his lunch box telling him you love him,” and, “make the house spotless for him”), I decided, what better way to acquire accurate ideas on this matter, than to go directly to the source and ask men myself for their individual perspectives on what they thought would be effective ‘sexual temperament setters’. The men in my study came from a wide cross section of professional industries including: accounting, the arts, education, advertising, engineering, architecture, construction, healthcare and medical, IT, legal, retail, and transport and logistics.
So ladies, here are 50 ways to get your man in the mood (straight from the mouths of men) :
- Always touch and caress his body to make him feel like a priority.
- Every time you have an erotic thought about your man, send it to him in a detailed text message.
- Get dressed up in something sexy to wear for him around the house—lingerie, a costume, or something special (and preferably short and tight).
- Take control of your sexual pleasure and masturbate in front of your man with sexual confidence.
- Set up sexy scenarios to act out with him—meet in a bar as if it was the first time you met, seduce him and have sex in a random hotel like a pseudo one night stand.
Communicate clearly to him about your sexual needs/kinks, and tell him exactly what turns you on and why.
- Leave your man little notes around the house (like a treasure hunt) when he comes home from work, to lead him to you waiting for him in the bathtub to devour you.
- Perform a sexy dance or strip tease for your man.
- Wake him up with oral sex.
- Make an effort to always look and feel sexy by grooming, shaving, lingerie, perfume, and keeping in shape.
- Find out what his kinks are and accommodate them accordingly.
- Show him with your touch, kiss, mouth, and lips what you like about his body, paying extra attention to the parts of his body you find most desirable (and be enthusiastic about it).
- Blindfold your man and tease him with extended foreplay.
- Surprise him with a special activity. For example, when he comes home from work, take him on a mystery date.
- Take your man for a drive in the country or coast without wearing any underwear, and tell him so.
- Venture out of your sexual comfort zone by initiating a new sexual activity. If your sexual activity is confined to the bedroom or private indoor setting, go have sex in an abandoned warehouse or a vast field in the middle of nowhere. Or, while driving the car on a highway, ask your man to pull over and make love to you on the side of the road.
- Give him a sensual full-body oil massage (and preferably make it a spontaneous one).
- Wear something new and alluring in front of him—a new outfit, costume, perfume, makeup, or hairstyle.
- Verbalize what you find sexy and attractive about your man.
- Adopt a role that he finds arousing, like playing submissive, vulnerable, sex-crazed, or sweet and innocent.
Initiate sex spontaneously in an unexpected place—the kitchen or shower.
- Book a sexy weekend away for two without leaving the hotel room for pure reconnection time.
- Give him a sincere compliment or acknowledgement for something you really appreciate him for.
- Combine sex and mental or physical challenges together. Perform sexual acts on yourself or your man while playing chess, or in between rounds of golf or a tennis game.
- Share 3 fantasies with him and ask him to share 3 with you.
- Take him for a picnic in a secluded and dramatic natural setting and then have a passionate lovemaking session.
- Give him oral sex in a supermarket parking lot.
- Write him an erotic poem or song.
- Validate his erogenous zones (male pleasure spots) by nibbling on his neck and ears.
- Hire a professional photographer to have an erotic photo-shoot with your man.
- Show him how much you want him sexually with your body language, touch, and kiss.
- Make him feel special with your words, your eyes, actions, and physical gestures.
- Surprise him with a sexy candlelit dinner for two at home and dress up as if you are at a fancy restaurant.
- Drive out of the city to somewhere isolated and swim naked together.
- Caress his chest and whisper sweet and sexy nothings into his ear.
- Allocate a specific time to explore each other’s bodies.
- Make him a spontaneous sexual request out of the blue. Just before he is about to leave for work, tell him to text his employer saying he’ll be half an hour late because you need him to pleasure you before he leaves the house.
- Create a sexual environment to set the mood with the right lighting, scents, sounds, temperature, and a bottle of champagne.
- Introduce new novelties into the bedroom—toys, costumes, play partners.
Experiment on him with food and sexual play. Lay on the table naked covered with strategically positioned exotic food. When he walks in declare, “Dinner is served!”
- Send your man sexy pictures during the day while he is at work telling him to hurry home.
- In public, when you are in front of other people, pretend to whisper a secret or that something is urgent, then say quietly in his ear, “God I want you to f***k me,” or, “I want your (insert your choice of terminology for male genitalia here) so bad right now.”
- Be sexually playful with him when he least expects it, like when he goes to hug you. Instead of you hugging him back, unzip his fly.
- Make the first move on him (if he’s the one who usually initiates).
- Tell him of an erotic experience you had with a man you met before him.
- Sit below him and look up at him adoringly with innocent eyes, demonstrating your submission to him.
- Perform mundane household duties in sexy attire. Mow the backyard in heels and a miniskirt or wash his car in a bikini.
- Spend time away from your man to make him long for and desire you.
- Arrange a weekend away together without internet or phone reception, and make a rule that you are not allowed to talk to each other at all. Hence, all communication must be conveyed through body language and touch.
- Kiss him passionately to let him know how badly you want him.
If you or your partner is suffering from low sexual desire, help is available. Remember, sex and relationship problems don’t just disappear by themselves, so get the support you need today.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Miya Yamanouchi is an empowerment counsellor with specialist sexual health training who has extensive experience assisting men and women across Australia to discover and embrace their authentic selves. She has served as a sexual health counsellor for Impotence Australia, a sex and relationships counsellor for The Australasian Institute of Sexual Health Medicine, is a reference for The Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, and a YourTango expert for a New-York based international sex and relationships online magazine. She is also a Blogger for The Kinsey Institute, Social Media Content Creator (Instagram) for The Sydney Feminists and a Network Co-orindator for The Mental Health Professionals Network.